If he could sing about the “C”Team,
@Joehills would sing this to the tune of
Rufus Wainwright’s arrangement of Hallelujah.
——
It’s absurdity in RPG form,
@TychoBrahe’s behind creased cardboard,
But you don’t pull up chairs for humor, do you?
You shouldn’t miss this guy, K’thriss,
He shakes a stone, there’s light eldritch
Compelling you, the viewers, to hit the merch store…
Hit the merch store, hit the merch store,
Hit the merch store, hit the merch store.
Walnut’s grove is gone, which sucks for a Druid,
Plus Maelith’s strong, but Nut’s wising to it.
Sigils on the cave walls stabbed like daggers.
She took wolf form and she howled aloud,
She bit at K’thriss and she snapped her snout,
And by her instincts led you to the merch store…
Hit the merch store, hit the merch store,
Hit the merch store, hit the merch store.
Rosie, she’s shopped there before,
All her grandkids get gifts from this store,
Little halflings with Acq. Inc. pins playing footloose,
I’ve seen them picnic beneath the stars,
Wearing their bright Darkmagic scarves,
It’s a one-stop shop for birthdays at the merch store…
Hit the merch store, hit the merch store,
Hit the merch store, hit the merch store.
Donnar’s a paladin, Dragonborn,
Who treats ev’rybody else with scorn,
But you know that they all deserve it, don’t you?
He gains entitlement from bits—
Or so Jerry claims, so I guess it fits,
And they both expect you all to hit the merch store…
Hit the merch store, hit the merch store,
Hit the merch store, hit the merch store.
Maybe there are gods beyond,
Whose tendrils shift their waking pawns,
But Jerry kind of seems like he has got this.
Except the times when the phones light up,
And ideas arise then outright erupt,
And Jerry’s gone volcanic cursing Rothfuss…
What now, Rothfuss? Come on, Rothfuss,
Ignore Rothfuss, God damn Rothfuss,
Dammit, Rothfuss, my game, Rothfuss,
Go home, Rothfuss, shut up, Rothfuss,
Fucking Rothfuss—let’s not do this.
Hit the merch store, Hit the merch store,
Hit the merch store.