I am the very model of modern Shadow Councilor.
I’ve exhortation entrepreneur, embezzler, and sepulcher.
I know the kids of Rosie, and I etch the runes irregular;
From Maelith and Meiliki’s to K’thriss’ chunk of altar Ur.
I’ve often adjudicated too, on stream polls that were popular,
That determined expositions, both expected and abrupter-er,
About the fate of Chronaar we’re convening with a lot of views
–A lot of views, so many views… oh yes,–
But Jerriford will simply give us options to vote one or two.
Chorus: (But Jerriford will simply give us options to vote one or two.)
I’m very good at comical and narrative analysis,
I know the formal 5e rules on stun-induced paralysis,
In short, on topics entrepreneur, embezzler, and sepulcher,
I am the very model of modern shadow councilor.
Chorus: (In short, on topics entrepreneur, embezzler, and sepulcher,
He is the very model of modern shadow councilor.)
I know the forms of Walnut: wolf, treant, or bear-furious,
I notice Donaar’s sleep schedule, in the cart of Morpheus,
I quote in Ligotti’s voice all of the mission summaries,
In notebooks I sketch maps of Ms. Beestinger’s discoveries.
I can tell unprompted if a roll will fail or beat a spell DC
And I can describe in detail every new Acq Inq franchisee.
When it comes to these teams, I have knowledge alphabetical,
–Alphabetical, that’s one way to do it, yes–
While my influence at large remains largely imperceptible!
Then I can cite a food review from papers Waterdhavian,
And tell you ev’ry travail of the big brains subterranean.
In short, on topics entrepreneur, embezzler, and sepulcher,
I am the very model of modern Shadow Councilor.
At PAX, now I know what is meant by “Omin Dran” and “Chris Perkins”,
Now I can tell by sound a dooring mimic from a cart goblin,
Now such nightmares as poll results I try to be more scary in.
And now I know precisely who is mean by “Secratarian.”
Now I have turnt what progress has been made into tweet summaries,
Now I know more of Donaar than his very special shrubberies.
In short, now I’ve a swaggering on crypts that are wandery,
–Wandery, wandery, that sounds like a good shop name for Percival–
I’ll soon see the Shadow Councillors meet up in a hotel lobby.
Though my momentary knowledge is enjoyable as expertise,
It’s second to the joy of meeting up with couns’lors such as these,
But still on topics entrepreneur, embezzler, and sepulcher,
We are the very models of some modern Shadow Counsellors!